Clients are Assholes

Ditched via email

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 15:21:59 -0500

Client just dumped me over email and announced that they aren’t paying what is left in the contract. Clients needs to go, but it was lovely to get stiffed over email.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/design_hell

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:15:00 -0500

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/design_hell

Please design a logo for me. With pie charts. For free.

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:41:50 -0500

Please design a logo for me. With pie charts. For free.

I thought training was the END of the project

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:28:23 -0500

Just wrapped up training a client on his new site, so of course that’s when the asshole decides that the site can’t be finished without these ten random features he’s never mentioned before.

The song at 1:00 is the best bit.

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:00:00 -0500

The song at 1:00 is the best bit.

Video

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:00:00 -0500

thanks, @6creative

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:30:00 -0500

thanks, @6creative

"Hi redacted, Don’t know why it took me so long to think of you, but was hoping you could..."

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:41:42 -0500

““Hi redacted,

Don’t know why it took me so long to think of you, but was hoping you could provide some suggestions about any contacts you may have avail. to help the LARGE CULTURAL INSTITUTION redesign their video blog site on Word Press.

Our graphic designers are banging their heads against brick walls trying to do this, and well, we realized after the fact, that we need someone from a blogger world background to provide feedback/advice.

Please hit me up with names/contact info to anyone who may be interested in helping us redesign the blog site pro bono, we would provide free tix to good amount of concerts…

Many thanks,
ASSHOLE
Acting Director of Public Relations
LARGE CULTURAL INSTITUTION”

- summary: this is too hard for our designers, please find someone to do it for free.

Repeat as necessary.

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:16:30 -0500

Asshole: I need you to work on this overnight and the weekend so I can get this up by Monday. My boss is crazy for it, like now.
Me: Um, no. I have a life, ya'know. I'll take care of it next week.
Asshole: I need you to work on this overnight and the weekend so I can get this up by Monday. My boss is crazy for it, like now.
Me: I'll do as much as I can during the week, and hopefully we'll make your crazy deadline, but no promises.
Asshole: I need you to work on this overnight and the weekend so I can get this up by Monday. My boss is crazy for it, like now.
Me: Jeezuz, fine. Your pestering me about this is almost as time consuming as actually doing it.
... worked crazy hours ...
Asshole: My boss wants some new tweaks, chill on this for a while.
... wait a week or more ...
Asshole: Here are the new tweaks. I need you to work on this overnight and the weekend so I can get this up by Monday. My boss is crazy for it, like now.
Me: You're fucking kidding, right?

Ranting: asshole client

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:20:01 -0500

Ranting: asshole client

Hey, it’s so great to learn that you’re not an asshole. You’re a drunk asshole....

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:59:24 -0500

Hey, it’s so great to learn that you’re not an asshole. You’re a drunk asshole. Thanks for disappearing on that month long bender.

looking for a web designer to help me build the next myspace,twitter!

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:00:00 -0400

looking for a web designer to help me build the next myspace,twitter!:

THIS IS A DEFERED PAY SITUATION. MEANING YOU GET PAID WHEN I START MAKING SOME MONEY OFF OF THE SITE. ALSO WHEN IT BLOWS UP YOU WILL BE WORKING UNDER ME MAKING SERIOUS CASH. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.

Asshole

hey asshole, Thanks for sending me your comments on the design as a graphic you made in ms paint and...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:00:00 -0400

hey asshole,

Thanks for sending me your comments on the design as a graphic you made in ms paint and then embedded into a word doc. Oh, and you’d like clip art of molecules and outer space everywhere? Great idea, boss.

“Hey, you know that print ad you made us? The one with the really awkward dimensions and the...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:08:06 -0400

“Hey, you know that print ad you made us? The one with the really awkward dimensions and the impossible amount of copy, that you spent forever working on to make it look good? Well, it looks great! … Can you just swap out all the copy with this new document that has nowhere near the same word count nor will work with your old layout? Thanks.”

- Asshole (paraphrased)

Love being pestered night and day to do work for the guy who hasn’t paid his bills for over a...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:12:04 -0400

Love being pestered night and day to do work for the guy who hasn’t paid his bills for over a year.

The only thing better than your bad attitude is your poor grasp of grammar, syntax and punctuation

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:09:26 -0400

I love that someone who claims “40+ years of commissioning private artists” thinks the following e-mail is appropriate:

“This what I plan to do,

Cancel the orderPrint up all these lengthy and self indulgent emails you have sent + my answers and give themto the nice lady who recommended you to me three months ago. Don’t know about all-caps sentences. Only answering to yours.I have no idea who you are but suggest the following:Zanax, A new profession, A hammer to the temple. You have now been placed in the spam section of my emails.”
DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I THINK I AM?????No. No I don’t. All I know is YOU DIDN’T PAY ME, SO I’M NOT DELIVERING THE PROJECT.

p.s. I printed YOUR douchebag e-mail and gave it to the “nice lady” at the gallery. So now she knows how YOU treat private commissions.

Somehow I’m in a contract with a client who will only pay me when he’s got no more...

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:44:02 -0400

Somehow I’m in a contract with a client who will only pay me when he’s got no more issues with the project. Each time it’s finished he’ll cook up something small for me to do, and file issues one. At. A. Time.

A sure way to ensure I waste my time and he can avoid paying me.

Asshole.

The gimme mores

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 10:02:16 -0400

I love the clients that treat everything as a what else can you get me. No, publications can’t devote their entire issue to you. Sorry, you aren’t that important.

The Incredible Shrinking Budget

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 09:00:46 -0400

“You know how we asked you to rewrite your proposal 4 times for all those grants? Yeah, we didn’t get any of those. Can you just do the work for a quarter of the budget? Thanks.”

Asshole

Ever find out your client might be a hooker?

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:56:16 -0400

Yes, you really did need to let me know that you were involved in something potentially illegal before I read about it the paper. Yes, you do seem unprofessional because of it.